you killed me well…

Why do I have to suck up any remaining courage in my bones to go see the person who smashed my soul into oblivion?

She made the decision to cut me from her life…and call me a bad friend, when all that time she was calling me her soul sister…bad friend? Really?

She doesn’t have any one to talk to huh? Well tough shit, that’s her own damn doing.

I tried reaching out to her, texting her, leaving her letters…I cannot grovel anymore.

She sparked something in my life that healed many years of lonliness, bad friends, and desperate cries.

Then…just like that…gone.

She killed every happy thought inside me.

She shattered my soul into splintered pieces.

She broke my heart worse than any relationship I’ve ever had.

She fucked me up really bad.

So I’m the broken one…and I have to put on a smile to rescue you?

What the hell is wrong with me to be attracting people who like to kill my spirit?

Why am I being used and kicked to the curb like trash?

Why must your evil heart burn my kind heart?

Why is it so hard to find a real fucking friend who will treat me the way I should be treated?

I deserve a best friend.

So…why do I feel like a disease?


security none

So my job I have no security, no safety, no way to protect myself or my client when other clients are getting physically violent. I have talked to my boss, HR, almost every one who knows me knows that I do not feel safe there and am fearful when I step in the door. I have taken it upon myself to look elsewhere since my job will not accommodate with me. I work with people who have mental disabilities, I know they do not mean to hurt others, but if one were to grab my arm, it would break in half. I am very small compared to the other staff that I work with, and staff is usually protecting me. I was transferred to this program because of budget cuts at my previous program where I was hired on. Now they are getting rid of Project Coordinators because of financial difficulties. This company will belly up within a year, mark my words. But nevertheless, why not search for a new job in the mean time? This job has run me down into the ground. It affects my mental, emotional, and physical well being. I have lost weight because I sleep right when I get home and only eat one meal a day. My emotional status is in dire need of help. I want to cry every morning when I wake up to go to my job, I have to find any motivation left in my being to actually drive there and get out of my car. My insanity is at a very minimum, I am constantly repeating myself every day at work…I having screaming inches away from my face…I want to believe that I might be doing some good, but I have no motivation to go to a job where I get beat up. Yesterday my client threw her shoes at my face, from 2 feet away. and I have to just forget about it and move on with my day? I gave this job a shot, and it’s not working out for me. This job has led me to an emotional breakdown not even being with the company for a year. Lowe’s broke me down everyday I worked there, and I finally called it quits after 5 years. This job has screwed me up faster than any job or relationship I’ve ever had.