Uninvited

So i quit my antidepressants & feel like im going insane. I quit smoking & now im wheezing like a chain smoker. I told my mom that i lost my job a week late cuz i was ashamed of myself & she uninvited me to the family Thanksgiving meal on Saturday. I’m sorry i lied to you mom. I’m sorry I’ve just caused you worry & anguish all these years. I’m sorry…for not being more like Scotty who joined the army & gets to travel the world or like William who graduated College and seems to have it figured out. I’m sorry for feeling and thinking too much about my life. I’m sorry for doing what makes me happy instead of doing what’s practical to pay the bills. Im sorry I’m unable to just deal with my depression but instead numb myself with drugs bc I can’t handle the physical pain of life. I’m sorry for being just an excuse in your life instead of something you are proud of. I’m sorry for being a failure in your eyes so bad that you have to uninvite me a family dinner on Thanksgiving. Well thank you for giving me the courage to end my pain. Thank you for showing me that instead of putting aside your anger with me for this holiday that you would rather act like i don’t exist. Thank you for proving your point…that since i lied to you about losing my job and that i don’t take anyone’s advice that it’s just ok to treat me like i don’t even matter. Apparently you’re thankful for everyone, except your fucking daughter.

Dueces

Dude…you are such a piece of shit friend! Instead of tearing me apart, why don’t you take a look at yourself and fix your shit.  You don’t talk to me for days and then when you do you pick me apart…this go round of our friendship is pathetic and a waste of my time. You cut me off saying I was a bad friend when you were just so lost in your head and blamed it on me…I am better off without your warped negativity and sad soul. Wallpaper is a better friend than you are. Thanks for giving me a reason to say goodbye.