Well, for a few months my boyfriend and I haven’t been intimate and pretty much for the fact that i’ve lost that loving feeling for him and also my faith has grown so much that I’ve been starting to feel uncomfortable about sex.
Growing up, I knew that sex before marriage was wrong and that you should save yourself for your husband. Well, i was dumb and wanted to fit in and look cool in front of my friends, so I ignored that. But over the years of any intimacy i’ve been in, i always felt this uncomfortable feeling afterwards. Like i was hungry, maybe deydrated, or maybe it was that I just did something I knew was unsettling with my faith.
Well, my boyfriend has been making remarks like “why don’t you touch me?” lately. and well I felt it was time to tell him how i’ve been feeling. I calmly told him that “i’m just in a different spot right now, it’s not you, it’s my faith. It’s changing many things and it’s hard to go against it. and it’s not a cop out. but i’m sorry you don’t feel loved by me, i know that’s not a good feeling.”
I feel bad of course, but for the first time in my life, i feel like i’m doing what i need to do for me. So in a few days, i’m sure i’ll be ready to move out and on with my life, in the direction that God wants me to go. Yes, it’s scary and challenging, but i’ve done it all wrong for so long, i’m ready to do things right.
Along with my new challenges, I’m proud to say that I am almost 3 months sober. And it’s the greatest feeling in the world, to know that i’ve lasted longer than the time before. I know that God is really rooting for me.
We were made to THRIVE!!!